I can't even begin to tell you how much is going through my head lately. This is and has been a truly wonderful experience. I mentioned yesterday how I feel like I am finally free. It's true, I am free! But, the battle is not over. I hate to compare my reliance on food to a drug addiction or to an alcohol addiction but yet, to make my point I need to. Once someone has been "clean" 14 days, 30 day, 60 days, etc., they still have to stand firm in their clean choices. I don't know if the desire to go back to the old lifestyle ever goes away. I wonder if there is always a sense of comfort from what was. I don't expect this battle to be over in the next 7 days. Nor do I expect it to be over in another 30 days. As I continue to make progress there will be challenges. At this point I am confident that I will overcome but I am not so prideful to think it will be easy and not require effort.
I feel like my body and my brain are communicating far better than ever before. I had a friend who talked about "listening to her body" a lot. When she was tired, she slept. When she woke up, she got up. I am beginning to understand this. It's very clear to me in the evening. I just get to a point that I am tired, undeniably tired. So I have been getting to bed a bit earlier. Last week I was waking up before 5AM - that was crazy! But I decided this week I was going to try to get up, like out of bed, when I wake up. The past two nights I have slept pretty hard and have woke up with my alarm. This morning I easily, almost without thought, got out of bed just a few minutes earlier. When eating my mind and my eyes are dismayed be the much smaller amounts of food that I eat. But they are quickly swayed into satisfaction as I begin to eat. I am not stressing nearly as much about food and yes, starvation, as I was.
I am still pondering over last nights message. The speaker and the message struck a deep chord with me. I am still trying to process through it. I can tell you this, God has been so good to show me lately just how far I have come in many areas of my life, my physical day to day life, and my spiritual life. I am so encouraged by this. I feel like I am standing on a mountain top looking down at all my past struggles, disappointments, and failures. You would think the view would't be so pretty. But it is magnificent. I don't resent all these things, I embrace them, because they have made me into a better person, a happier person, a person full of peace and joy.
8:47 PM So tonight since I am just cooking for myself - I have class and get home after everyone has eaten - I cooked salmon patties (My daughter calls them crabby patties and yes - she eats them!) I planned to make the Whole30 mayonnaise but was thinking "no way"! This stuff is amazing! It blows store bought mayo out of the water! I made tartar sauce out of it and used it to make cole slaw. My dinner was the bomb!!!
Oh goodness! I didn't tell you about lunch! Leftover grilled chicken, fresh spinach, dices tomatoes and avocado.
Today has been a non stop day and I am so thankful I have the energy and desire to get through it boldly! I have a couple of things to do before bed. I feel an exceptional sleep coming on!!
Thank you again for reading!!
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