Well - so much is going on as Spring is just busting out early this year. My folks are down, we just finished time off work and school with our Spring Break, shifting gears now that cheer season is over, and as we approach the end of the school year we start preparing for Allison's senior year of high school! Wowzers!
Let me tell you what's going on in my spiritual life. God has been showing me that I have faith but I simply don't use it. As our preacher is teaching right now - I am not partaking in the grace and gifts that God has for me. So I am stepping out in faith in a couple of areas right now. I have just about decided to just let Brandy tumble next year, not cheer. This means I would not coach this year either. This saves us money and allows me to have more time in my week. My heart breaks though - I like the thought of her cheering and coaching with Allison, I actually love it. But three things are obvious to me: 1) Cheer is not Brandy's cup of tea, 2) We need to cut down on our spending 3) Allison needs to stand on her own in the grown up world of coaching - it's an opportunity for her to grow. Funny how my heart aches yet I feel pressure being lifted at the same time. God is wanting more of my time...that doesn't sound quite right...God is wanting me to spend more time with Him. So, this is the beginning. I am stepping out in faith on this - I know it's what he is asking me to do. As I step out in faith with the cheer leading decision God reveals to me that it's time for me to work with Him on getting our finances in order - as I work on them with Him, His guidance, His wisdom, well He is going to bring great things from it. I can see myself working on our budget, talking to God as I do and then trusting God with what I see on paper - even if it doesn't look too good. God is my provider. This week He really drove that point home with me. I was acting out of fear - when it became obvious the fear was going to be detrimental I stepped out and in faith and man did the day get better! OH another area I have been stepping out in faith - meeting with a group of women from my church. I knew that I needed to and I knew God was prompting me to, but I didn't want to. I think we have met either 3 or 4 times now and I am telling you I am so excited for our next get together! I have enjoyed talking about God and His word so much with these women. I feared judgement, caddiness, and basically a waste of time...but God has put me with a great set of Godly women who genuinely want to serve God and operate in His truth and in His will for their lives! I feel so honored to spend time with them. I just can't believe how much I am enjoying it.
I think I feel like my life is getting under control again. Pastor said last night, "instead of letting life happen to you, it's time to start happening to life" We do this by operating in and partaking in faith and grace. Our faith has to be more than just knowledge - it also has to be active.
That's all I have to say today!
Lots of love to all!
D. J.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
A few random thoughts...
Okay - life is busy. I was going to say life "has been" busy, but come on, who am I kidding - life is busy. I have had a few ponderings this week and just finished a book that prompted me to get some of these ponderings into writing. Some things have absolutely nothing to do with other things...or do they? God is tugging on my heart and at my attention. I so hope I can SLOW down enough...more than enough to hear, absorb and take action.
Let's talk about the book. I Still Believe - Jeremy Camp. I started reading it shortly after 6:00 tonight and finished it just before I sat to start this post. What a testimony of this young man! In the last chapter a statement really stuck out - can undeniable growth in the Lord be seen in my life over the past 6 months, year, 2 years...I had to answer "no". While I think I have grown closer to the Lord, my actions do not show my growth. Ouch! I know I have withdrawn for a variety of reasons and truth be told, I am comfortable with my personal growth and not sharing. When the opportunity presents itself that makes it easy to share my faith I do...but that's it. I am excited about what the Lord can do for other people but I am also discouraged and hurt when they don't get it or they reject it. That's pretty lame, isn't it. It's pretty selfish. This is hard to admit. My stomach turns at the thought of being more of an open book. God has done so much for me. I tend to feel guilty about all that he has done for me. To say He saved my marriage is an understatement. He saved it, He resurrected it from ashes to something so much more than what it was. He has shown me unconditional love and given me the ability to love. He has shown me forgiveness and given me the very EASY ability to forgive. He stuck with me through my anger over Brandy's disorder, and I knew He would, I knew He was there, even when I was MAD at Him for not instantly healing her I was also clinging to him for his unending comfort and touch - and today there are many evidences of His healing hand upon her. My older daughters are such amazing individuals - Gods doing, not mine - they are so much better than I could ever be or could have ever raised them to be...I could go on. But do you see what I am saying. I have LOTS to share - and it's not because I am any more special to God than anyone else...it's because I love, because I believe, because I trust in God. And I don't even do a bang up job in those areas. I lack. He overflows.
I was reminded tonight how much my husband needs my prayers and not my attitude or my "superior" knowledge. I was reminded how much he needs to know that I love him. I adore this man. I was reminded to not burden him with things I should be looking to God for.
I was missing God tonight as I began to read this book. Another good point blank from the book was that we too often look for inspiration and encouragement from Godly books rather than from Gods Book - you know, the bible. As I type this, I am crying out to God...trying to connect. I get frustrated over the busyness of life and my lack of time to do things like read His word...hello did I mention I read a 150+ page book tonight....but I don't have time to read His word? We too often want what God has to say to be spoon fed to us rather than to put the effort into reading it and seeking Him for what He has for us in His word. Shame on us.
I am wondering if I should go on, or stop here. The next thing to talk about it utterly embarrassing. Hmmm. Humble yourself D. J. and go on. I had a sleep study done this week. Long story short - I do not have sleep apnea. The doctor said I have insomnia aggravated by my......get ready for it....obesity! UGH! For some reason I guess I was okay as long as a doctor never told me that. They could tell me I should lose some weight and I guess I still thought I was ok..healthy enough. But he did not say "should" he said you MUST lose weight...no less than 20 pounds. I have done really good at losing weight. My highest weight was about 5 years ago at about 50 pounds more than I am now. That's significant, yes....and I really had deceived myself into thinking it was enough...I can jog 3 miles without stopping for goodness sakes! No matter what I can do or what I have already done...I need to do better, do more. Now I fear I don't have the ability. I am ashamed of myself for ever allowing myself to get this way. Ashamed that I haven't got it under control. I want Gods help but am battling the feelings of knowing I don't deserve his help. I know God did not create me to be this way, I know He is more than able and willing to help me become who he physically created me to be...but still...it's hard to accept His guidance...does this make sense to anyone?
Bouncing to another random thought - God needs to be more evident in my home. I remember I used to have scripture everywhere! You could find a few verses now. but I mean it used to be everywhere. Putting those precious words up really causes you to remain in the Word in way that you can't if it's not in front of you. I want to put God's word back up. I want my faith to be more evident. I want to have less of me going on in my life and more of God. But I am in such a routine of life, almost trapped by it...How do I boldly change this?
My Lord My God - hear my cries.
How I wish You were here for my eyes to see right now in my living room. I would love to have a conversation with you while sitting at Your feet Father.
My writing will end for now...but my pondering and praying will continue.
Love to all
D. J.
Let's talk about the book. I Still Believe - Jeremy Camp. I started reading it shortly after 6:00 tonight and finished it just before I sat to start this post. What a testimony of this young man! In the last chapter a statement really stuck out - can undeniable growth in the Lord be seen in my life over the past 6 months, year, 2 years...I had to answer "no". While I think I have grown closer to the Lord, my actions do not show my growth. Ouch! I know I have withdrawn for a variety of reasons and truth be told, I am comfortable with my personal growth and not sharing. When the opportunity presents itself that makes it easy to share my faith I do...but that's it. I am excited about what the Lord can do for other people but I am also discouraged and hurt when they don't get it or they reject it. That's pretty lame, isn't it. It's pretty selfish. This is hard to admit. My stomach turns at the thought of being more of an open book. God has done so much for me. I tend to feel guilty about all that he has done for me. To say He saved my marriage is an understatement. He saved it, He resurrected it from ashes to something so much more than what it was. He has shown me unconditional love and given me the ability to love. He has shown me forgiveness and given me the very EASY ability to forgive. He stuck with me through my anger over Brandy's disorder, and I knew He would, I knew He was there, even when I was MAD at Him for not instantly healing her I was also clinging to him for his unending comfort and touch - and today there are many evidences of His healing hand upon her. My older daughters are such amazing individuals - Gods doing, not mine - they are so much better than I could ever be or could have ever raised them to be...I could go on. But do you see what I am saying. I have LOTS to share - and it's not because I am any more special to God than anyone else...it's because I love, because I believe, because I trust in God. And I don't even do a bang up job in those areas. I lack. He overflows.
I was reminded tonight how much my husband needs my prayers and not my attitude or my "superior" knowledge. I was reminded how much he needs to know that I love him. I adore this man. I was reminded to not burden him with things I should be looking to God for.
I was missing God tonight as I began to read this book. Another good point blank from the book was that we too often look for inspiration and encouragement from Godly books rather than from Gods Book - you know, the bible. As I type this, I am crying out to God...trying to connect. I get frustrated over the busyness of life and my lack of time to do things like read His word...hello did I mention I read a 150+ page book tonight....but I don't have time to read His word? We too often want what God has to say to be spoon fed to us rather than to put the effort into reading it and seeking Him for what He has for us in His word. Shame on us.
I am wondering if I should go on, or stop here. The next thing to talk about it utterly embarrassing. Hmmm. Humble yourself D. J. and go on. I had a sleep study done this week. Long story short - I do not have sleep apnea. The doctor said I have insomnia aggravated by my......get ready for it....obesity! UGH! For some reason I guess I was okay as long as a doctor never told me that. They could tell me I should lose some weight and I guess I still thought I was ok..healthy enough. But he did not say "should" he said you MUST lose weight...no less than 20 pounds. I have done really good at losing weight. My highest weight was about 5 years ago at about 50 pounds more than I am now. That's significant, yes....and I really had deceived myself into thinking it was enough...I can jog 3 miles without stopping for goodness sakes! No matter what I can do or what I have already done...I need to do better, do more. Now I fear I don't have the ability. I am ashamed of myself for ever allowing myself to get this way. Ashamed that I haven't got it under control. I want Gods help but am battling the feelings of knowing I don't deserve his help. I know God did not create me to be this way, I know He is more than able and willing to help me become who he physically created me to be...but still...it's hard to accept His guidance...does this make sense to anyone?
Bouncing to another random thought - God needs to be more evident in my home. I remember I used to have scripture everywhere! You could find a few verses now. but I mean it used to be everywhere. Putting those precious words up really causes you to remain in the Word in way that you can't if it's not in front of you. I want to put God's word back up. I want my faith to be more evident. I want to have less of me going on in my life and more of God. But I am in such a routine of life, almost trapped by it...How do I boldly change this?
My Lord My God - hear my cries.
How I wish You were here for my eyes to see right now in my living room. I would love to have a conversation with you while sitting at Your feet Father.
My writing will end for now...but my pondering and praying will continue.
Love to all
D. J.
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