My plate is overflowing - not in a good way

Ugh! My plate is overflowing. I could say part of it is my fault, but in all actuality - it may all be my fault. There are two things that are tipping my plate over. My summer online class and the state of a couple of rooms at my house. As I said I could argue that this is only partially my fault - you see I planned on being able to take care of all my class stuff while at work since we went to 4 - 10 hour days for the summer. I knew summer is our busiest time of year but I still thought it would be no problem. BUT this is by far the busiest summer we have ever had and I can't even keep up with may daily incoming work let alone a summer class. Those rooms in my house - I could argue I don't get the help I should from my family. So here is the reality of it all - it the chaos of things and the prideful "I can do it all" attitude I sometimes get - I did not and have not been seeking God before I make decision and I have not been asking or trusting in his guidance, support, and counsel. So therefor - it's my own darn fault. I am at that point with my class where it's bad if I complete it and it's bad if I drop it. There are consequences to our actions and sometimes we have to experience them for the lesson to be driven home.

What's so frustrating is that I even make decisions without seeking God. I know we all do this, we are going along, trusting and seeking God and all is really good. So for some reason we begin to drift and take "ownership" of all the good and subconsciously think we can and do do it all and do it all well. There is a song about that - a girl, rock song. Wish I could think of it. Love it. Than CRASH! That's where I am crashing. Needing a break. Needing a rescue. Needing forgiveness. So frustrated with myself.

Time to become humble again. Time to get a good look at what "self" can result in. Time to refocus, and reconnect with God.

That's where I am this week.

D. J.

Just blah

I have not been feeling good lately. I did a 5k Saturday morning, felt fine. By Saturday evening I thought I was just sore, but that carried into Sunday, Monday here comes the fever and exhaustion, Tuesday more of the same, today - feel a little better but physically and emotionally whipped!

As I type this I wonder - why do we get sick. I believe God works everything to the good for those who love him. I believe he "allows" (does not make) not so good things to come out way some time. So why sickness? At this point I don't see the good He is working. This I will be thinking about today, because if I am suppose to be getting a message here - I want to get it. I don't want feeling bad to be in vain. Wouldn't it be nice if, when we "got it" a bell went off so we knew we got it. Or a buzzer if we are wrong. LOL.

Doing it all has overwhelmed me lately. I know there will be days like this. I do have to stand back and wonder, what is on my plate that I can honestly get rid of. Today I plan to drop my online class for the summer. I am already behind. Summer is my busiest time at work and this summer has been the busiest of all summers at work. My pride aches to have to give something up, but my stress level thanks me.

I know this isn't an overly enlightening or inspirational blog - but it is real life. Life happens and it isn't always earth shattering.

Hoping all who read will comment.

Thank you,

D. J.

Are you treating your body like a temple?

For about the past month or so God has really been prompting me to refocus my efforts to become healthy - to take care of His temple. I have been overweight for about 20 years now. Something happens to many of us when we get married and have children. To no surprise, I have tried many diets, pills and doctors. But the focus was just on weight loss, not health necessarily. I must say here - I don't think any of us are "meant" to be overweight. I don't believe God created us to be overweight and / or unhealthy. I was a Weight Watcher before Brandy popped into me. Being pregnant I could not be and "official" Weight Watcher, but I continued to follow the good health guidelines and tracked what I ate most of the time. Brandy is my third little girl. My pregnancy with her is the only one that actually resulted in weighing less after her birth than I did when she was conceived. The other two, I gained 60 with one and 30 with another. Brandy was born in July 2007 and I nursed. I became an official Weight Watcher again in September 2007. Weight Watchers works. Weight Watchers is something I can do for the rest of my life - it is simply a focus on a healthy lifestyle - eating, activity, emotions, and just life! Weight Watchers works -- but you have to do the work. I believe God has given me the tool of Weight Watchers.

More recently though - with the prompting to refocus my healthy efforts - God has been speaking to me about using Him more in this journey. I had been all about how "I" can lose weight, how the decision "I" make affect my health, how "I" can be successful at changing bad habits. Me Me Me. I honestly, in the back of my mind, thought this journey I was on my own, simply because it seems vain to lose weight, to want to look and feel better. There is a little twisted lie from the devil! God intended our bodies to be well oiled machines so that we are physically and emotionally able, more than able, to accomplish what He has planned for us. So if God intended health for us and we have strayed from health - why wouldn't he want to help us get back in line with what he intended for us? I have started tapping into God for this journey to health. I have experienced amazing things. Praying over difficult meals and feeling way full before I have even eaten anywhere close to what I would normally. Being able to truly push my plate away - when it isn't clean - because I know I am approaching the "full" feeling. God has given me scripture to speak when my negative thinking starts popping up. I am telling you amazing stuff.

Plus, just being aware that God resides in me. Wow! It's kinda like knowing company is coming for dinner and you want your house to look awesome, the food to be exceptional, the mood to be inviting and comforting, and the visit to be refreshing and enjoyable. It's even better when all of this occurs naturally. That's how I want my body to be. Does that make sense? I want my temple to be all of these things for God and as God intended.

Habits are HARD to change. This is certainly a process. It has been quite the journey so far. When I allowed God on board though, it sure got more pleasurable - not necessarily easier - just a little more doable.

Seems like an odd blog today, but it is what is on my heart.

Lots of love to all,

D. J.

Forgive and Be a good friend

Forgive and be a good friend. Be the bigger person. Don't take it personally. It's just a phase she is going through. She didn't mean anything by it.

Can you guess what I have been trying to work through this week?

I have a friend - a good friend - who has been through some major changes. I am really proud of her, she has made it through some serious stuff while seeking God and drawing closer to him. In this aspect she has amazed me. God has amazed me. So, obviously she has changed. She has said some very hurtful things recently. I have been hurt and have been unable to forgive and move past it. I have tried to "blow it off". But they were very personal hurts and I just haven't been able to. God is prompting me to forgive. I am planning my verbal attack when she does it again. God is prompting me to forgive and be a good friend. I don't treat her like she treats me...but I want to treat her worse than she treats me. God prompts me to forgive, be a good friend and let it go. "But God, didn't you hear her?"

Well, aren't I quite full of myself. Like I have never done things that hurt God, that disrespected all that Jesus did so that I could be forgiven, redeemed and spend eternity in Heaven. I could argue further - I have realized my errors and asked for forgiveness...my friend has not. Again, help me to get over myself - really, Have I really asked for forgiveness for every thing I have done that has been offensive to my Heavenly Father and the King of Kings? No Way. Do I want to be forgiven for them, even if I don't remember them or know that I offended..OH YES.

Am I still struggling with forgiving? Yes. Bottom line, it's a choice. Why don't I just choose to forgive. FEAR. If I forgive and drop my protective wall of anger, then I open myself up to be hurt again. That is a very realistic possibility, that I will get hurt again by her...as she seems to be on a roll. If I forgive I also have to choose to be the bigger person. Not only by forgiving when forgiveness has not been requested, but by not pouncing on her like a cheetah when she flings another hurtful comment my way. By choosing not to treat her the way she has treated me when the tables are turned...and they will turn.

I have to trust God and give up my attempt to control this situation. I have to trust Him and Give it to him.

This is hard folks. Really hard. I usually consider my ability to forgive to be quite exceptional. People make mistakes. In this case BIG mistakes. I am struggling today.

I know I will come around -- but it needs to be sooner rather than later. I was hoping pouring this out in my blog would move me to forgiveness...it hasn't yet. I am ashamed of myself, disappointed in myself. I am so glad God is still prompting me and I believe he understands my reservations...regardless though, not following his prompting is just adding to the sin.

It has just been brought to my remembrance a time when I had to forgive someone for something much worse than even this. I had to choose to forgive...even though I didn't feel like it and I knew I would probably never forget the event. I chose to forgive one day, then again about 30 minutes after that, and again another 30 minutes later. Satan kept bringing the event in front of my face - literally - and I had to keep choosing to forgive. This went of for months, maybe over a year. It got to where I only had to forgive daily, then a couple times a week, then a couple of times a month...now when it pops in front of me I still have to remind myself I have forgiven this person. For the most part I am over it. I think this is what God is reminding me to do with my current day situation. Forgive and be a good friend...make the CHOICE now, even though I don't feel like it.

Father, I choose to forgive this person right now. And as thoughts of the hurt and the comments come I will forgive again, as many times as it takes to move past this. I will be a good friend - I mean her no harm and want only good things for her. Thank you for helping me to forgive her. In Jesus Name I pray - Amen.

It is done!

Until next time my blogging buddies!

Just a hodge podge of stuff

So much so much! The most exciting thing going on is that I believe God is taking me in a new direction as far as a ministry area. It's an area that I would have never expected really. This particular area though, it's an area that I personally have to achieve victory in, and God is going to use that and my experience to reach others tackling this same area. It does require a lot of change on my part and a lot of giving up my thinking that I can do this on my own. It's really neat. I will keep you updated as it progresses.

My house is crazy - but wonderful. Still struggling with the Mary / Martha roles. But I can tell you this, I am sure when the eating and visiting were done - I am sure Mary and Martha worked together to get the house back in order, dishes clean, trash taken out. This may sound funny to you, but think about it - Martha (that was the worry wart, right) wasn't wrong in wanting to take care of things, she was wrong in her timing. I was getting hung up with being left with all the responsibility - I am still frustrated with it as the Mary in my world doesn't have a care when it's time to have a care. I kept saying to God, it just isn't right, I could see where I needed to be less Martha like and spend time with our company, I got that, I agreed with this God given guidance. But I still came back to "it just isn't right" that when it was time to get busy and take care of clean up that my current day Mary didn't (doesn't) come help out. God finally said, you are right - It isn't right. I was honestly trying to grasp and understanding that did not exist in this situation. So, now I am holding the "you are right" and trying to find out what God would have me to do with this. My responses right now are not very Godly and that needs to change.

We still don't have a concrete answer on our baby girls condition. But I have been blessed with peace that if beyond understanding everyday. She is out of her boot/brace now completely and I believe her leg is healed! She runs, jumps, walks, plays and it isn't giving her any grief. The last round of test results should be in within the next couple of weeks, but like I said, I have peace about it.

Okay! That's all for today!

D. J.