Nothing much

Well, nothing much seems to be going on but I am still going 90 to nothing! I am feeling a little distant from God right now. Not sure if He is being quiet or if I am just not being still enough to hear Him.

I know I am being prompted to kinda re-evaluate things. Not just priorities, but all things in general. I did have a bit of an epiphany the other day. I was out and about with Brandy. We were walking across streets, stepping up and off sidewalks, up and down stairs. With my other girls I would have been moving at a quick pace, holding their hand, basically dragging them along. Well with Brandy you can drag or hurry her - as you may cause a serious injury. So I have learned to live at her pace. I slow down to match her speed and I hold her hand. The first thing I realized is that this is how I should have been with my first two girls. The second is that this is the way our Heavenly Father works with us. He is right there with us holding our hand as we go at our own pace. He doesn't rush us or slow us down. He works with us at our own pace. I haven't quite grasped the entirety of the thought - but I think it's kinda cool. Going at Brandy's pace has not caused me to run behind - but it has caused me to be more patient and more relaxed. I focus more on her rather than what I have to do. My children should always be more important than what I have to do. Brandy trips and stumbles quite often, as I hold her hand I have to make sure I don't jerk to hard to save her from a fall, but just enough. If I jerk too hard I could hurt her worse than the fall could. This to reminds me of my Heavenly Father - as He holds our hands and we trip or stumble, He tries to help minimize the affects of a fall.

I feel like God is waiting for me to find my own pace so that we can more efficiently work together. If I am going to fast, I tend to leave God behind. If Iam going to slow, well I tend to ignore him because I am so focused on getting caught up. Don't know that I "know" my good own pace. I know that I have had one, but I didn't pay attention at the time.

Interesting things to ponder. Until next week!

Lots of love,

D. J.

New Faith Walk - New Perspective

So, it's been a week since we got the diagnosis. It's sunk in, kinda. A friend had an interesting statement - basically that Brandy has had this all along, today we just know the name of it. The name of the enemy. I have been pondering God's work on how He knitted us together in our mothers wombs, how we are fearfully and wonderfully made. I get stuck here - I believe it, it is truth after all. Where I get stuck is why are babies born with diseases, disorders, and such. This part I don't get. Then I remind myself, regardless of the HOW, my God is still and always will be the Master Physician. My God is MORE THAN ENOUGH to see her through an amazing, healthy, fulfilling life. My God is BIGGER than this. My God knew we would be on this walk and He has already put people in place to point us in the right direction, to give us good, quality information, and to help us take care of Brandy. I still struggle with wanting to be mad. I struggle with wanting to know WHY Brandy? I can't lie about it, God already knows my thoughts, my emotions, my everything...why lie? I don't wallow in fear, in anger, in sadness...quickly I remind myself of Gods TRUTH.

Everything seems a little different now. I do have a new perspective on things. Some may seem silly but I think they are noteworthy. I have decided to give up all POP. Carbonation robs the bones of calcium - Brandy won't be able to have much pop at all - we are talking RARELY! So, I am giving it up too. Struggling to maintain a healthy lifestyle to this point has literally been a luxury I had. Now I don't have the luxury of the struggle. I have to choose health as a lifestyle so that I can give that lifestyle to her. I no longer have the luxury of deciding I don't want to go work out. Brandy must maintain a healthy weight as she grows...activity is a key piece to this! I want to teach her to be active for fun and active for health. I must teach by example.

Brandy surprises me much more than my other two girls did. I really don't know what to make of it. For example; I had to harshly get on to her Sunday as she kept trying, LOUDLY, to talk to me while I was on the phone, even after I told her to wait, that I was on the phone. My tone was harsh and specific and I asked her if she understood. She nodded her head. Within 20 minutes she apologized SPECIFICALLY for trying to talk to me while I was on the phone. She is only three! Another example; her daddy ran an errand last night, when he returned she was ecstatic! I said, " Brandy are you excited that your daddy is home" to which she replied, verbatim, "Oh Yes, I love him so much!" Final example - she asked me if I kept her safe, I said yes that Jesus and I keep her safe. She thanked me for keeping her safe. How do you like that?

I am constantly reminded how blessed I am. Things are just no longer what they seemed. I have decided to put some things on the back burner for the rest of the year and to adjust my priorities. I feel good about it. I feel that I am following Gods promptings and I have a peace knowing we may having a few bumps with learning more about Brandy's disorder that its going to be a really GOOD rest of the year. I am seeing more good and less bad. This is hard to explain. It is simply a new faith walk and a new perspective.

Hoping you are focused on what God want for you today!

Lots of love,

D. J.
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New Faith Walk

Yesterday we received confirmation that our precious little 3 year old has Osteogenisis Imperfecta Type I. Basically it's the mildest form of a disorder that creates weaker bones and such. We praise God that is isn't cancer and that it's not one of the worse types. At the same time my heart weeps - who want their child to have something that is incurable wrong with them. My faith walk has changed to say the least. As I read and study what "can" happen with this disorder I have to remember this is what the world has determined to be true. Gods truth is the ultimate truth. God is bigger than the disorder. God still heals completely. God protects. It seems there is a fine line here though. I do trust God with her health. At the same time I will not be ignorant of it. Because I trust God does not mean that I don't educate myself. It does not mean that I do nothing. If a child is diagnosed with diabetes - do we trust God and not give the child the insulin the body needs? God does heal, sometimes on demand - but most often in HIS timing.

I trust God that I am saved and that I am heaven bound. So do I now do nothing? No, I learn more about his character, more about what He wants me to do with the here and now. God heals and God protects - so do I now do nothing? No, I learn more about the enemy I/we battle and how to effectively battle in the world and I trust God to do all He can in HIS time. I trust God to guide my learning and to put me in touch with the information that I need. part of the armor of God is wisdom - Godly wisdom, Godly wisdom is first and foremost His Word, but God also uses other forms to get the wisdom before us that he intends for us.

The chances of Brandy having this disorder were 1 in 60,000. I believe God guided me to search the Internet for Brandy's issue. I believe he guided me to the site that introduced me to this disorder. I believe God gave me the boldness to go demand that she be tested - you see two pediatricians basically told me I was over reacting. Had I waited on the very educated world (doctors) I know we would be no closer to knowing that Brandy had a medical condition. God prompted, guided and empowered.

In the midst of waiting - almost a year now since I started asking that she be tested - I have had to put my trust and the well being of my daughter in Gods hands. It has been hard knowing I had done all that I could do, and that I could do NOTHING else to help her, other than to trust God. In a way I am still there - I can't heal her, I can't make it all better. Oh how my heart hurts to have to say that and accept it. So now, as my friend said yesterday - we knew there was an enemy and yesterday the enemy was given a name. That's all that has really changed. I still can't make her all better. I can't fix this. I have to put my trust in God, I believe him for protection and healing. I believe He is good and I believe He will do as His Word says and work all things to the good for those that love the Lord. I love the Lord and so does Brandy.

What I can do, I will do. I will also seek God to show me all that I can do and how to accomplish it. My God is Good and My God is Faithful.

To say I am not afraid would be a lie. My daughter, Allison 15, gave me this quote last night: Don't tell God how big your fear is, Tell your fear how big your GOD is! I am surrounded by blessings! In Jesus Name - this OI type I will not affect Brandy and it has to leave her body!

Praying your faith in increasing and becoming more solid every day!

D. J.

MORE THAN ENOUGH

God is MORE THAN ENOUGH. We all say "Yes, He is" , but do we truly accept and allow this truth to permeate our daily lives? Finances - God is MORE THAN ENOUGH, Relationships - God is MORE THAN ENOUGH, Health - God is MORE THAN ENOUGH. We all say it and to an extent I think we believe it. But - we always add a "but". But I have sinned, but I have screwed up, but I got myself into this mess, but I did this to myself. I think these things all the time. These thoughts of doubt cause us to ponder more on ourselves than to ponder the truth - God is MORE THAN ENOUGH. These are the big things. As I have been soaking up this lesson this past week - my feelings got hurt by someone I really love and I wish this someone would treat me better and treat others better. I didn't want to overlook this, in fact I pondered the possibility of just ending this relationship as this person really tends to be negative OFTEN. This is just a little thing I faced - I was prompted to remember - God is MORE THAN ENOUGH. I had to argue a bit with God - was this relationship needed, especially when I was not getting much benefit from it. God is MORE THAN ENOUGH. Perhaps what I expect in this relationship is something I should be expecting from God and not a mere human. Hmmm. There is a thought for you.

Work has been crazy - it our busiest time of year and this, by far, has been our busiest year since I have been here. To say the least - I was getting grouchy as day after day after day, I could not complete my days to-do list. I am a HUGE list person and being able to complete one daily is very important to me. At my peak of frustration I was reminded - God is MORE THAN ENOUGH. There's another odd thought - God and my work - together. It makes perfect sense as we should allow God in where ever and every where but yet - it just seems odd. But I started praying over my list, over the incoming flow of work, over my attitude and level of stress and peace. Today there is light at the end of the tunnel!

I continue the journey of weight loss and achieving optimal health. God has really been knocking on my door to let Him in and to let him help. I realized I had just cracked the door and hadn't totally let him in. This is an area I am ashamed of and have difficulty letting God see how bad I let this get - LIKE HE DOESN'T ALREADY KNOW!!! Any way - thoughts of giving up and just being happy at this size have been trying to get into my regular thinking this week. But thank God the reminder that God is MORE THAN ENOUGH is popping in more. I have had a couple of deep revelations about God and my health this week.

I am challenged to see what other areas I just crack the door for God's help rather than letting him all the way in and letting Him be MORE THAN ENOUGH. I hope after reading this that you will be too.

Lots of love to all!

D. J.

My plate is overflowing - not in a good way

Ugh! My plate is overflowing. I could say part of it is my fault, but in all actuality - it may all be my fault. There are two things that are tipping my plate over. My summer online class and the state of a couple of rooms at my house. As I said I could argue that this is only partially my fault - you see I planned on being able to take care of all my class stuff while at work since we went to 4 - 10 hour days for the summer. I knew summer is our busiest time of year but I still thought it would be no problem. BUT this is by far the busiest summer we have ever had and I can't even keep up with may daily incoming work let alone a summer class. Those rooms in my house - I could argue I don't get the help I should from my family. So here is the reality of it all - it the chaos of things and the prideful "I can do it all" attitude I sometimes get - I did not and have not been seeking God before I make decision and I have not been asking or trusting in his guidance, support, and counsel. So therefor - it's my own darn fault. I am at that point with my class where it's bad if I complete it and it's bad if I drop it. There are consequences to our actions and sometimes we have to experience them for the lesson to be driven home.

What's so frustrating is that I even make decisions without seeking God. I know we all do this, we are going along, trusting and seeking God and all is really good. So for some reason we begin to drift and take "ownership" of all the good and subconsciously think we can and do do it all and do it all well. There is a song about that - a girl, rock song. Wish I could think of it. Love it. Than CRASH! That's where I am crashing. Needing a break. Needing a rescue. Needing forgiveness. So frustrated with myself.

Time to become humble again. Time to get a good look at what "self" can result in. Time to refocus, and reconnect with God.

That's where I am this week.

D. J.

Just blah

I have not been feeling good lately. I did a 5k Saturday morning, felt fine. By Saturday evening I thought I was just sore, but that carried into Sunday, Monday here comes the fever and exhaustion, Tuesday more of the same, today - feel a little better but physically and emotionally whipped!

As I type this I wonder - why do we get sick. I believe God works everything to the good for those who love him. I believe he "allows" (does not make) not so good things to come out way some time. So why sickness? At this point I don't see the good He is working. This I will be thinking about today, because if I am suppose to be getting a message here - I want to get it. I don't want feeling bad to be in vain. Wouldn't it be nice if, when we "got it" a bell went off so we knew we got it. Or a buzzer if we are wrong. LOL.

Doing it all has overwhelmed me lately. I know there will be days like this. I do have to stand back and wonder, what is on my plate that I can honestly get rid of. Today I plan to drop my online class for the summer. I am already behind. Summer is my busiest time at work and this summer has been the busiest of all summers at work. My pride aches to have to give something up, but my stress level thanks me.

I know this isn't an overly enlightening or inspirational blog - but it is real life. Life happens and it isn't always earth shattering.

Hoping all who read will comment.

Thank you,

D. J.

Are you treating your body like a temple?

For about the past month or so God has really been prompting me to refocus my efforts to become healthy - to take care of His temple. I have been overweight for about 20 years now. Something happens to many of us when we get married and have children. To no surprise, I have tried many diets, pills and doctors. But the focus was just on weight loss, not health necessarily. I must say here - I don't think any of us are "meant" to be overweight. I don't believe God created us to be overweight and / or unhealthy. I was a Weight Watcher before Brandy popped into me. Being pregnant I could not be and "official" Weight Watcher, but I continued to follow the good health guidelines and tracked what I ate most of the time. Brandy is my third little girl. My pregnancy with her is the only one that actually resulted in weighing less after her birth than I did when she was conceived. The other two, I gained 60 with one and 30 with another. Brandy was born in July 2007 and I nursed. I became an official Weight Watcher again in September 2007. Weight Watchers works. Weight Watchers is something I can do for the rest of my life - it is simply a focus on a healthy lifestyle - eating, activity, emotions, and just life! Weight Watchers works -- but you have to do the work. I believe God has given me the tool of Weight Watchers.

More recently though - with the prompting to refocus my healthy efforts - God has been speaking to me about using Him more in this journey. I had been all about how "I" can lose weight, how the decision "I" make affect my health, how "I" can be successful at changing bad habits. Me Me Me. I honestly, in the back of my mind, thought this journey I was on my own, simply because it seems vain to lose weight, to want to look and feel better. There is a little twisted lie from the devil! God intended our bodies to be well oiled machines so that we are physically and emotionally able, more than able, to accomplish what He has planned for us. So if God intended health for us and we have strayed from health - why wouldn't he want to help us get back in line with what he intended for us? I have started tapping into God for this journey to health. I have experienced amazing things. Praying over difficult meals and feeling way full before I have even eaten anywhere close to what I would normally. Being able to truly push my plate away - when it isn't clean - because I know I am approaching the "full" feeling. God has given me scripture to speak when my negative thinking starts popping up. I am telling you amazing stuff.

Plus, just being aware that God resides in me. Wow! It's kinda like knowing company is coming for dinner and you want your house to look awesome, the food to be exceptional, the mood to be inviting and comforting, and the visit to be refreshing and enjoyable. It's even better when all of this occurs naturally. That's how I want my body to be. Does that make sense? I want my temple to be all of these things for God and as God intended.

Habits are HARD to change. This is certainly a process. It has been quite the journey so far. When I allowed God on board though, it sure got more pleasurable - not necessarily easier - just a little more doable.

Seems like an odd blog today, but it is what is on my heart.

Lots of love to all,

D. J.