So, it's been a week since we got the diagnosis. It's sunk in, kinda. A friend had an interesting statement - basically that Brandy has had this all along, today we just know the name of it. The name of the enemy. I have been pondering God's work on how He knitted us together in our mothers wombs, how we are fearfully and wonderfully made. I get stuck here - I believe it, it is truth after all. Where I get stuck is why are babies born with diseases, disorders, and such. This part I don't get. Then I remind myself, regardless of the HOW, my God is still and always will be the Master Physician. My God is MORE THAN ENOUGH to see her through an amazing, healthy, fulfilling life. My God is BIGGER than this. My God knew we would be on this walk and He has already put people in place to point us in the right direction, to give us good, quality information, and to help us take care of Brandy. I still struggle with wanting to be mad. I struggle with wanting to know WHY Brandy? I can't lie about it, God already knows my thoughts, my emotions, my everything...why lie? I don't wallow in fear, in anger, in sadness...quickly I remind myself of Gods TRUTH.
Everything seems a little different now. I do have a new perspective on things. Some may seem silly but I think they are noteworthy. I have decided to give up all POP. Carbonation robs the bones of calcium - Brandy won't be able to have much pop at all - we are talking RARELY! So, I am giving it up too. Struggling to maintain a healthy lifestyle to this point has literally been a luxury I had. Now I don't have the luxury of the struggle. I have to choose health as a lifestyle so that I can give that lifestyle to her. I no longer have the luxury of deciding I don't want to go work out. Brandy must maintain a healthy weight as she grows...activity is a key piece to this! I want to teach her to be active for fun and active for health. I must teach by example.
Brandy surprises me much more than my other two girls did. I really don't know what to make of it. For example; I had to harshly get on to her Sunday as she kept trying, LOUDLY, to talk to me while I was on the phone, even after I told her to wait, that I was on the phone. My tone was harsh and specific and I asked her if she understood. She nodded her head. Within 20 minutes she apologized SPECIFICALLY for trying to talk to me while I was on the phone. She is only three! Another example; her daddy ran an errand last night, when he returned she was ecstatic! I said, " Brandy are you excited that your daddy is home" to which she replied, verbatim, "Oh Yes, I love him so much!" Final example - she asked me if I kept her safe, I said yes that Jesus and I keep her safe. She thanked me for keeping her safe. How do you like that?
I am constantly reminded how blessed I am. Things are just no longer what they seemed. I have decided to put some things on the back burner for the rest of the year and to adjust my priorities. I feel good about it. I feel that I am following Gods promptings and I have a peace knowing we may having a few bumps with learning more about Brandy's disorder that its going to be a really GOOD rest of the year. I am seeing more good and less bad. This is hard to explain. It is simply a new faith walk and a new perspective.
Hoping you are focused on what God want for you today!
Lots of love,
D. J.
s
No comments:
Post a Comment