Last night and today my heart has been heavy for my 16 year old daughter. In our house you are simply not allowed to disrespect or flip attitude to an adult...period. I believe wholeheartedly that we must always keep a cap on our emotions, keep our character and dignity in check, no matter the situation. I wish I could say that I am quite perfect at doing this, but not always. It took me a long while to realize that even if I was being wronged or if my integrity was being compromised based on untrue statement that I simply do not have the right to respond negatively. It is my responsibility as a Christian to be the bigger person and the better person. You would think all adults get this and try to act appropriately, right? Not so. I received a phone call from an adult saying my daughter had shown some disrespect and the way it was explained I had no doubt that she did. I also had the knowledge that this adult was not willing to see that they may actually have some fault in the situation and in turn made my daughter looks as if she were in the wrong about a situation. As hard as it was, I contacted my daughter at school, and had to tell her that she had to go apologize for the disrespect. I tried to explain that she was not accepting fault for the situation at hand, that she was only taking responsibility in handling herself incorrectly when confronted. Fortunately she did take responsibility for the attitude and disrespect and she went to apologize. The adult responded very smugly and did some other not so adult things as well. This is indeed one of the hardest things to do as a parent. 1) I want to teach her to always maintain her character and dignity. One of the quotes she loves regarding her purity is "I can be like them in a second, but now they can never be like me" I had to use this with her explaining that anybody can be rude, smug, dishonest and/or negative, but NOT everyone can handle themselves with character and dignity. 2) I wanted to go and totally act without dignity and character to defend my daughter! Talk about praying over this. I went on to explain that today she needed to be sure that she approached this adult with a hello and kind words and a kind attitude just as she has done most days for a while now.
In the midst of all this I also learned a very sad thing. I am AWFUL about reacting with anger when my feelings are hurt. I realized a few years ago it is much easier for me to be angry than it is for me to feel hurt. My daughter cried last night because another adult involved believed the wrong/bad thing that was said about her. The root of all of the issue was that someone she trusted, respected and truly adores didn't give her the benefit of the doubt, didn't say, "that doesn't sound like her" Did I pass this on to her - to get mad instead of accepting that people are going to hurt your feelings sometimes.
Then I also had to explain to her that regardless of whether or not these two adults every asked for forgiveness that she needed to forgive them now and not let the bitterness of unforgiveness take root in her. So hard.
These were such huge lessons, adult sized lessons for her to face and learn at such a young age. I had to learn this all on my own as an adult so from that perspective I am glad she is learning young as it will make her such a better adult.
I have been challenged by this to be sure I live in the ways that I have explained to her are right and Christlike.
Don't fight your children's battles for them, teach them how to do battle themselves using the Word and instruction of God.
Okay, that's my blog for this week!
D. J.
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