Forgive and Be a good friend

Forgive and be a good friend. Be the bigger person. Don't take it personally. It's just a phase she is going through. She didn't mean anything by it.

Can you guess what I have been trying to work through this week?

I have a friend - a good friend - who has been through some major changes. I am really proud of her, she has made it through some serious stuff while seeking God and drawing closer to him. In this aspect she has amazed me. God has amazed me. So, obviously she has changed. She has said some very hurtful things recently. I have been hurt and have been unable to forgive and move past it. I have tried to "blow it off". But they were very personal hurts and I just haven't been able to. God is prompting me to forgive. I am planning my verbal attack when she does it again. God is prompting me to forgive and be a good friend. I don't treat her like she treats me...but I want to treat her worse than she treats me. God prompts me to forgive, be a good friend and let it go. "But God, didn't you hear her?"

Well, aren't I quite full of myself. Like I have never done things that hurt God, that disrespected all that Jesus did so that I could be forgiven, redeemed and spend eternity in Heaven. I could argue further - I have realized my errors and asked for forgiveness...my friend has not. Again, help me to get over myself - really, Have I really asked for forgiveness for every thing I have done that has been offensive to my Heavenly Father and the King of Kings? No Way. Do I want to be forgiven for them, even if I don't remember them or know that I offended..OH YES.

Am I still struggling with forgiving? Yes. Bottom line, it's a choice. Why don't I just choose to forgive. FEAR. If I forgive and drop my protective wall of anger, then I open myself up to be hurt again. That is a very realistic possibility, that I will get hurt again by her...as she seems to be on a roll. If I forgive I also have to choose to be the bigger person. Not only by forgiving when forgiveness has not been requested, but by not pouncing on her like a cheetah when she flings another hurtful comment my way. By choosing not to treat her the way she has treated me when the tables are turned...and they will turn.

I have to trust God and give up my attempt to control this situation. I have to trust Him and Give it to him.

This is hard folks. Really hard. I usually consider my ability to forgive to be quite exceptional. People make mistakes. In this case BIG mistakes. I am struggling today.

I know I will come around -- but it needs to be sooner rather than later. I was hoping pouring this out in my blog would move me to forgiveness...it hasn't yet. I am ashamed of myself, disappointed in myself. I am so glad God is still prompting me and I believe he understands my reservations...regardless though, not following his prompting is just adding to the sin.

It has just been brought to my remembrance a time when I had to forgive someone for something much worse than even this. I had to choose to forgive...even though I didn't feel like it and I knew I would probably never forget the event. I chose to forgive one day, then again about 30 minutes after that, and again another 30 minutes later. Satan kept bringing the event in front of my face - literally - and I had to keep choosing to forgive. This went of for months, maybe over a year. It got to where I only had to forgive daily, then a couple times a week, then a couple of times a month...now when it pops in front of me I still have to remind myself I have forgiven this person. For the most part I am over it. I think this is what God is reminding me to do with my current day situation. Forgive and be a good friend...make the CHOICE now, even though I don't feel like it.

Father, I choose to forgive this person right now. And as thoughts of the hurt and the comments come I will forgive again, as many times as it takes to move past this. I will be a good friend - I mean her no harm and want only good things for her. Thank you for helping me to forgive her. In Jesus Name I pray - Amen.

It is done!

Until next time my blogging buddies!