Update on being in a new place

Well in just a few short weeks I am amazed at how God works, how quickly He works when we are receptive, how patient He is as we watch in disbelief, and how faithful He is. God doesn't do anything in a small fashion. As His word declares He will see His work through to completion, no half hearted or it's good enough effort for God - He does what He promises, He does it well and He does it completely! It took me a good 2 weeks to grasp the fact that God was answering a prayer that I have been praying for many many years. I was in disblief that what I was seeing was God's hand at work and not just a smooth manipulitive play by an individual. That individual is my husband. My husband has opened his heart to God's promptings and has been acting on those promptings. He has woke up and smelled the coffee! The progress is amazing! I have struggle with knowing if he is seeking God because of/for me or if he is seeking God because that is what God would have him to do. You see if it's for me, then it's wrong motives and it won't stick. Additionally - I would rather Bobby (or anyone for that matter) seek God and Gods direction for who he is suppose to be, and then follow those directions to become the man God wants him to be rather than trying to become what he thinks I want him to be. If he seeks God and follows through with Gods direction - who am I to argue with that! God created Bobby (everyone) to be an amazing individual and has called him to be an exceptional husband and father. As Bobby steps into those shoes what ground would I have to argue or complain? Do you see what I am saying? As a result of this my faith has increased and a my spiritual fire has been stoked! I am trying harder to seek and to listen to God for direction. I am stepping up in areas that have been uncomfortable to step into. My faith eyes have opened a bit wider and I am taking in more of the work that God is doing around me, in my home, in my marriage, in my children, and in me! God has been so good to make sure we are hearing him clearly through confirmations in music we listen to, devotions we read, opportunities becoming available at church, and the sermons we are hearing. NOTHING is COINCIDENTAL! God is at work! I encourage you today - renew your belief in a prayer being answered that you have been praying for. Remind yourself that God's timing is perfect and never late. Remind yourself that God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ask for or imagine - then sit back and imagine REALLY BIG things and KNOW God is going to deliver beyond that! Lots of love! D. J.

A place I have never been before...

This is going to be a rather difficult post. I don't exactly have the words to say all that I am thinking and going through. You see I have found myself in a new place. I prayed fervently about 10 years ago over something and have continued to pray just not as fervently. I think I kinda gave up on getting the answer that was "abundantly and exceedingly more than I could ask for or imagine" and just decided to be thankful for what God had blessed me with, which was enough. But then all of a sudden it appears God has begun to answer that prayer. While I see it with my own eyes I struggle with disbelief! Is this really God or is it just the circumstances? Then something else passes before me that is obviously God at work, again though, I struggle with disbelief. In my disbelief I find it hard to hope, I find it hard to have faith in Gods word though it's what I have held tight to for the past 10 years. Gods truth, Gods word is what I have held to no matter what the world says or what the world implies. So why, now, do I struggle? God has promised to answer our prayer exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ask for or imagine. Gods word says and shows repeatedly that His timing is perfect. God promises those who follow Him an abundant life - not a life of "enough". I know that I know that I know these things. Still - disbelief and .....FEAR. Afraid to believe because if I do I open doors to be hurt and or disappointed...again. It's so hard to explain. Yet, my God is so awesome, my Father. He is patient with me as I try to grasp HIS truth and hold it again. He has asked me, "Is my timing not perfect" "would you like me to take the answers back" - we all know the answers there but I needed those words. So I ask, "What do I do now" And He answers, "Do what you know to do" But right now even that is difficult for me because I am so in a state of disbelief - I am waiting to wake up or for the other shoe to drop so it's so hard to do what I know to do. God knows this. He continues to feed me through His word, through devotions, through devotions sent to me by other friends, through songs. He nudges me with patience. He helps me to see more clearly and to feel the ground that I stand on so I am not so shaken. I really want the end result NOW but God is promising me beauty in the process. I want to do NOW better than I am - but I am struggling. It's a new place, a challenge of a place. I want to do all that He has called me to do and I want to do it well. Again, it's a challenge. I look at worldly things and allow my foundation to shake and my focus to get off of His Truth and then feel like I have to start all over.

That's really all I can say right now - I am surprised I was able to put that much together and get it out there. Your prayers are appreciated. Any encouragement you want to send my way is also appreciated.

We all must embrace where we are in our walk right now - even when it's hard, put all your effort into getting the grasp so we can embrace!

Lots of love!

D. J.

Happy Spring To You!

Well - so much is going on as Spring is just busting out early this year. My folks are down, we just finished time off work and school with our Spring Break, shifting gears now that cheer season is over, and as we approach the end of the school year we start preparing for Allison's senior year of high school! Wowzers!

Let me tell you what's going on in my spiritual life. God has been showing me that I have faith but I simply don't use it. As our preacher is teaching right now - I am not partaking in the grace and gifts that God has for me. So I am stepping out in faith in a couple of areas right now. I have just about decided to just let Brandy tumble next year, not cheer. This means I would not coach this year either. This saves us money and allows me to have more time in my week. My heart breaks though - I like the thought of her cheering and coaching with Allison, I actually love it. But three things are obvious to me: 1) Cheer is not Brandy's cup of tea, 2) We need to cut down on our spending 3) Allison needs to stand on her own in the grown up world of coaching - it's an opportunity for her to grow. Funny how my heart aches yet I feel pressure being lifted at the same time. God is wanting more of my time...that doesn't sound quite right...God is wanting me to spend more time with Him. So, this is the beginning. I am stepping out in faith on this - I know it's what he is asking me to do. As I step out in faith with the cheer leading decision God reveals to me that it's time for me to work with Him on getting our finances in order - as I work on them with Him, His guidance, His wisdom, well He is going to bring great things from it. I can see myself working on our budget, talking to God as I do and then trusting God with what I see on paper - even if it doesn't look too good. God is my provider. This week He really drove that point home with me. I was acting out of fear - when it became obvious the fear was going to be detrimental I stepped out and in faith and man did the day get better! OH another area I have been stepping out in faith - meeting with a group of women from my church. I knew that I needed to and I knew God was prompting me to, but I didn't want to. I think we have met either 3 or 4 times now and I am telling you I am so excited for our next get together! I have enjoyed talking about God and His word so much with these women. I feared judgement, caddiness, and basically a waste of time...but God has put me with a great set of Godly women who genuinely want to serve God and operate in His truth and in His will for their lives! I feel so honored to spend time with them. I just can't believe how much I am enjoying it.

I think I feel like my life is getting under control again. Pastor said last night, "instead of letting life happen to you, it's time to start happening to life" We do this by operating in and partaking in faith and grace. Our faith has to be more than just knowledge - it also has to be active.

That's all I have to say today!

Lots of love to all!

D. J.

A few random thoughts...

Okay - life is busy. I was going to say life "has been" busy, but come on, who am I kidding - life is busy. I have had a few ponderings this week and just finished a book that prompted me to get some of these ponderings into writing. Some things have absolutely nothing to do with other things...or do they? God is tugging on my heart and at my attention. I so hope I can SLOW down enough...more than enough to hear, absorb and take action.

Let's talk about the book. I Still Believe - Jeremy Camp. I started reading it shortly after 6:00 tonight and finished it just before I sat to start this post. What a testimony of this young man! In the last chapter a statement really stuck out - can undeniable growth in the Lord be seen in my life over the past 6 months, year, 2 years...I had to answer "no". While I think I have grown closer to the Lord, my actions do not show my growth. Ouch! I know I have withdrawn for a variety of reasons and truth be told, I am comfortable with my personal growth and not sharing. When the opportunity presents itself that makes it easy to share my faith I do...but that's it. I am excited about what the Lord can do for other people but I am also discouraged and hurt when they don't get it or they reject it. That's pretty lame, isn't it. It's pretty selfish. This is hard to admit. My stomach turns at the thought of being more of an open book. God has done so much for me. I tend to feel guilty about all that he has done for me. To say He saved my marriage is an understatement. He saved it, He resurrected it from ashes to something so much more than what it was. He has shown me unconditional love and given me the ability to love. He has shown me forgiveness and given me the very EASY ability to forgive. He stuck with me through my anger over Brandy's disorder, and I knew He would, I knew He was there, even when I was MAD at Him for not instantly healing her I was also clinging to him for his unending comfort and touch - and today there are many evidences of His healing hand upon her. My older daughters are such amazing individuals - Gods doing, not mine - they are so much better than I could ever be or could have ever raised them to be...I could go on. But do you see what I am saying. I have LOTS to share - and it's not because I am any more special to God than anyone else...it's because I love, because I believe, because I trust in God. And I don't even do a bang up job in those areas. I lack. He overflows.

I was reminded tonight how much my husband needs my prayers and not my attitude or my "superior" knowledge. I was reminded how much he needs to know that I love him. I adore this man. I was reminded to not burden him with things I should be looking to God for.

I was missing God tonight as I began to read this book. Another good point blank from the book was that we too often look for inspiration and encouragement from Godly books rather than from Gods Book - you know, the bible. As I type this, I am crying out to God...trying to connect. I get frustrated over the busyness of life and my lack of time to do things like read His word...hello did I mention I read a 150+ page book tonight....but I don't have time to read His word? We too often want what God has to say to be spoon fed to us rather than to put the effort into reading it and seeking Him for what He has for us in His word. Shame on us.

I am wondering if I should go on, or stop here. The next thing to talk about it utterly embarrassing. Hmmm. Humble yourself D. J. and go on. I had a sleep study done this week. Long story short - I do not have sleep apnea. The doctor said I have insomnia aggravated by my......get ready for it....obesity! UGH! For some reason I guess I was okay as long as a doctor never told me that. They could tell me I should lose some weight and I guess I still thought I was ok..healthy enough. But he did not say "should" he said you MUST lose weight...no less than 20 pounds. I have done really good at losing weight. My highest weight was about 5 years ago at about 50 pounds more than I am now. That's significant, yes....and I really had deceived myself into thinking it was enough...I can jog 3 miles without stopping for goodness sakes! No matter what I can do or what I have already done...I need to do better, do more. Now I fear I don't have the ability. I am ashamed of myself for ever allowing myself to get this way. Ashamed that I haven't got it under control. I want Gods help but am battling the feelings of knowing I don't deserve his help. I know God did not create me to be this way, I know He is more than able and willing to help me become who he physically created me to be...but still...it's hard to accept His guidance...does this make sense to anyone?

Bouncing to another random thought - God needs to be more evident in my home. I remember I used to have scripture everywhere! You could find a few verses now. but I mean it used to be everywhere. Putting those precious words up really causes you to remain in the Word in way that you can't if it's not in front of you. I want to put God's word back up. I want my faith to be more evident. I want to have less of me going on in my life and more of God. But I am in such a routine of life, almost trapped by it...How do I boldly change this?

My Lord My God - hear my cries.

How I wish You were here for my eyes to see right now in my living room. I would love to have a conversation with you while sitting at Your feet Father.

My writing will end for now...but my pondering and praying will continue.

Love to all

D. J.

Loving me some revelation!

Okay - so before you read today you need to go to http://www.proverbs31.org/ and read the devotion titled, Physically Overweight and Spritiually Underweight by Lysa TerKeurst. Most of you know I am on a continual journey to improve my health and lose my excess weight. I know that this is NOT how God intended me to take care of my body and I believe I am responsible (all of us) to get it into the shape that God originally intended. I believe our bodies were intended to be able and healthy to do His work. So from a health standpoint and a conviction standpoint I pursue health and weight loss.





This past week or so has been crazy busy and stressful. I had a few things that threw me for a loop and I just wasn't able to regain control over anything. I just kept going where the tide (called life) pulled me. I did not focus on making healthy eating choices at all and I did not work out one single time. Today I am just exhausted! Now I do believe there is something going on with my tiredness - but to blame the exhaustion entirely on that would be to be in denial. I have not fed my body what it needs and I have not worked it as it should be so it is not performing at it's peak. Today's devotion caused an "aha" moment! As I have let my physical self go I have also let my spiritual self go. Just like my flesh has become tired and weak, to an extent my spirit has too. I don't have the energy to put into my journaling or praying or even reading! To deal with stress I have choses foods over time with God - because it's easier when I am tired. I just had not really connecting my physical self affecting my spiritual self, but it does, and if you disagree then I would venture to boldy say - You are in denial! When we choose to roll with the tide (remember, that is life) then we choose to relinquish God's control and direction. Ouch, that kinda hurts, doesn't it. Well, it will only hurt for just a minute. You see this is a revelation we should be so excited about! Controlling our physical self not only benefits the body but it benefits the spirit! It's a 2 for 1 deal - and come on, who doesn't like a bargain or getting twice as much done at one time? I LOVE IT! I hope this hits you like it did me today. I was having a bad morning - I mean I left the house and FORGOT to put on make up! I came into work to be immediately confronted by needs...I took a minute to read the devotion and pray and BAM - my morning made a dramatic turn!





Love ya!





D. J.

Nothing specific

Well, not a whole lot to mention since my last blog. But a bit, so I will.

Yesterday I got to stay home with Brandy. At the time she should have been brushing her teeth she was vomiting instead. A little bit of stress kicked in when I realized I would be missing work and a day of class, but that was quickly eliminated as she cuddled up next to me to tell me her tummy hurt. While I was very sad that she did not feel good, my mommy ego was way inflated! Even at 4 years old she is developing her own type of independence and it just grows as they do. So I bask in their need of me when they are sick. I love to take care of them. I love trying to make them as comfortable as possible. I also got a very relaxed, laid back day. She was not her usual energizer bunny self, so I was able to just sit and watch cartoons with her, drink some coffee and be quiet. I also did not have to run anybody anywhere or go anywhere. Additionally there weren't a flood of people coming in and out (as they do on the weekends) - just one time did someone pop in and then out. The rest of the day was super quiet. I got quite a bit of house work done, made an awesome big "I love my family" kind of dinner and made a few phone calls. It was delightful! Today is back to normal - she is back at school and I am back at work - darn the healthy little thing - LOL - just kidding. I am glad she feels better.

A little update of the Daniel fast. I haven't done as well this week. Not good at all. For that I am disappointed in myself. On the other hand I am really happy with how God has opened my eyes and through that has opened my ears to his works, his promptings and his presence. I think I may have mentioned this in my previous post, but I have developed a new desire to have more God in everyday! It has gone from KNOWING I need to be spending more time with God to WANTING to spend more time with Him. It's funny how fast we forget all that a good relationship can bring in to our lives. How good relationships make us better people. How good relationships make life more doable. Not that I have my life full of bad relationships...I have relationships on "needs/must have" basis only. Basically meaning I have very few friends that I do anything with. My life is spent doing for, taking care of and being with my family. We all need relationships (GOOD QUALITY ONES) outside of the family. That first relationship should always be God! Then the others don't have to be many, but they do have to be some. We need relationships for us - but we also need relationships so we can pour into the lives of others. God has blessed each of us in very different ways...but most of them all are stories of hope and answered prayers. Not every body has experienced what we have or maybe as much as we have. As we pour into them the faith begins to grow wings, to believe God in bigger ways they have before. It is our responsibility to share the good new, yes the Gospel, but it is also our responsibility to share our personal experiences with God with others.

Okay - I think that's all I will post for today.

Please tell me what you think!

D. J.

The Daniel Fast

The church that I attend for the past few years has encouraged the Daniel Fast for 3 weeks in January. I have never participated. I actually have never fasted before unless it was for a surgery or blood test. I didn't quite understand why we should do one ~ other than it says to in the bible. But this year I decided I would. I wanted my New Years resolutions to be guided by God and I really want to grow this year, spiritually. The first week I found out I must be WAY addicted to my caffeine! Lordy Lordy the headaches were intense on days 2 and 3. I kinda went through a lull in energy at that time as well. But I kept at it. When I started the fast I committed to spend a certain time each day with the Lord, reading his work and praying. That was going well. I must have expected a lot that first week because I was pretty disappointed. I didn't think I was necessarily hearing more from God. I did see a few evidences of his work that were direct answers to prayer, but I really must have expected more. Then I began to wonder, "Am I doing this right?", "Could I somehow be screwing this up". So I got out my papers about the fast and went over them again, even read a little bit in Daniel looking for something. I got nothing. The only thing I could figure is that I was being strict enough. So I focused a little harder.

During the latter part of that first week I did notice my energy was coming back. Good. I noticed that I was getting full quicker - even with the seemingly limited food items we can eat. I also noticed I was actually feeling hunger. Not anything that would cause me to cave ~ just a hunger to let me know it was getting close to the next meal time. But that hunger did and does prompt me to pray or to take a minute to read a bit of scripture. That's a real good thing. There are other things too ~ I have noticed I am not craving food NEAR like I usually do. I am feeling much more calm and a lot LESS stressed. Okay are you ready for the LIGHT BULB MOMENT? God had to show me rather than speak to me ~ why because I have reached a point that I don't listen very well. One of my focuses (resolutions) this year is on Health. He is showing me that I am not feeding my body as He intended and that there is a lot I am giving it thinking I "need" it and I really don't. These things cause me to be tense and increase stress. He showed me that I was feeding my body emptiness. When I feed it the right kind of food there is more satisfaction, less cravings, and ultimately less eating. I have lost 10 pounds so far. I totally did not expect this. When I go off of this Daniel fast my "normal" way of eating will be changed. It won't be the Daniel Fast but it will be more wholesome, more thoughtful.

With the ease that I am going about my day I have noticed I am nicer, less grumpy. This significantly helps my interactions with people, especially my family. Another one of my focuses this year is on relationships.

Additionally, I am not spending money on eating out. I am not missing it all. In fact my husband and I have even had a few conversations about our finances that have not ended in arguments. January is normally a hard month for us financially as we recoup from Christmas. We seem to be handling it very well and needing for nothing. Through our conversations we may even be making some progress in this area which by the way is another focus. Our finances.

So I am spending more time with God. I am praying more and praising more. When I have a concern I am really "giving" it to Him. This is all from the Fast.

He hasn't told me a darn thing - but boy has He SHOWN me a lot! As always I get excited when I know I am getting what God is trying to give me. I love knowing I am on the right track, His track.

Let me know what you think!

Lots of love,

D. J.